When you are at the end of your rope what do you do? Well you have two choices-either slide on off or tie a knot and hang on. I have never been a quitter so for years I have been tying knots. I tied a knot when my first marriage to a meth addicted wife beater failed; then I tied several knots while performing the single mother looking for love in all the wrong places dance. Of course going back to school so I could support my child elicited a lot of knot tying. Tthen I married Mr. Right who had some kids of his own. Of course blending a family caused me to tie knot after knot year after year-especially during adolescence when our oldest two became substance abusers and addicts; then the knots were almost a daily occurance. Then the day came when I looked at my nest of knots and wondered what happened to that childhood dream of mine to be a writer. That was when I started journaling; I journaled in morning pages* daily and wrote in what I call my ‘purse journal’ at other times. Journaling helped me get through tough times until the day my world came to a grinding halt. I had been working day after day to get through the problems our daughter’s addiction was causing; trying to support her in recovery, making sure she went to meetings and dr appointments, researching heroine, addiction, attending AL-anon- you name it I did it; I was the model mother and problem solver. Everything was going well, she seemed to be recovering and we were on our way to life getting normal again after years of craziness. But one day the grand babies were taken away; our daughter walked out of rehab after 45 days (we found out later she had relapsed-in Rehab!) and I discovered that there was no room left for another knot. I had a whole nest of knots that reflected what my life had become; a great big confusing horrible mess. Everything I thought I had control over went to heck fast and I realized that the only thing I really had control over was myself. I read a lot, I trolled blogs and stalked people on social media until one day it hit me-why not write? Writing a blog would help to unravel those knots, I could find my voice again and maybe even help a few other souls along the way!
So welcome to the blog of a wanna-be wordsmith who is working to find her voice in a world that tried to cover it up. Come with me as I journey down the road to recovery-not my kids’, that is their journey-but my recovery from the long dark illness caused by loving someone who is an addict. Read these offerings and share with me your thoughts and opinions. I welcome all comments (just not the ones making fun of my belief in Bigfoot** or attempts at creative cooking); who knows what might be revealed with each knot we untangle?
*Morning Pages: the practice of writing in long hand three full pages; this was introduced by Julia Cameron in “the Artist’s way” see http://paperartstudio.tripod.com/artistsway/id3.html for more information.
**Bigfoot is a nickname given to the Sasquatch like creature who roams the woods in the mountains where my husband and I own a small tract of land we like to camp out on occasionally.